


The Past is Poison but the Future is Toxic

by cunzy4, HappyFazzbearPonies2



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell, Cinnamon roll Gaster, Eventual Romance, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Mystery, Sans and Papyrus are brothers ONLY
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-10-16 08:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10567494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cunzy4/pseuds/cunzy4, https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyFazzbearPonies2/pseuds/HappyFazzbearPonies2
Summary: Sans and Papyrus have left their troubled past behind and clawed their way to the top of the Royal Guard.  Gaster, in the meantime, is trying to pick up the pieces of his life after the fallout with his sons.  It's not easy to survive in a kill-or-be-killed world when you're one of the weakest monsters in the Underground, but the King's protection kept him safe for the most part.When the broken family is forced to work together to face a crisis and a mysterious threat to the Underground, they'll have to face their unresolved feelings and maybe, just maybe, discover the future waiting for all three of them.





	1. One Shouldn't Walk Alone at Night

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully, you guys enjoy!  
> (Also many kudos to cunzy, my dear friend for everything! :D  
> Also, cunzy, you have bottom notes! I left it alone just for you!)  
> also you have the summary!  
> Nice!

Gaster should have known better than to walk home by himself.  

In a society ruled by a hierarchy of violence, a man like him had to be careful.  In addition to being clumsy, awkward, and unathletic, he was timid and not naturally inclined to violence.  This generally led to him being targeted as easy pickings by stronger monsters.  If it hadn’t been for Asgore’s protection, he would have been dust years ago.

But on this particular evening, some paperwork had kept him late at the lab, and everyone else had already left.  Preoccupied with thoughts of his latest experiment, he gathered his files into his briefcase and left the lab without a second thought.

Meanwhile, several streets away, Sans and Papyrus loitered at an intersection.  Sans was leaning against a low brick wall, idly playing with a rabbit by allowing it to hop a few feet away and then pulling it back towards him with blue magic.

“Boss, I’m bored,” he griped.  “I thought we were going out on a job today?”

Papyrus spared his brother half a glance.  “WE ARE ON A JOB,” he snapped.  “WE’RE ON A STAKEOUT.   WHAT DID YOU THINK WE WERE DOING HERE?”

Sans lazily reeled the rabbit back in.  “Dunno.  I thought we were about to go beat someone up or something.  Just standing around’s no fun.”

“WE’RE NOT HERE TO HAVE FUN.  NOW STOP LOLLYGAGGING AND DO YOUR JOB WITH PRIDE.”

Sans snorted, but allowed the rabbit to escape.  Giving the darkened street an idle once-over, he contemplated falling asleep against the wall where he stood.  “It’s _dead_ quiet out here, bro,” he quipped.  “We could literally stand here all night without-“

They both froze, their heads turning in synchrony as they were alerted to the nearby aura of a familiar SOUL.

“Bro…” Sans muttered.  “Is that…?”

Papyrus grinned from ear to ear.  “WELL, SANS,” he almost purred.  “IT LOOKS LIKE THIS NIGHT WON’T BE SO BORING AFTER ALL.”

Gaster was walking quickly with his head down, trying to make his way through the streets of New Home without attracting attention from its more rough-and-tumble residents.  He had almost allowed himself to believe that he would make it home safely when a familiar voice from the shadows stopped him in his tracks.

“What have we here?” the voice hissed.  “Looks like a little pansy scientist, out on his own in a bad part of town.  Don’t you know that’s dangerous?”  A single red eye burned in the darkness, fixed on Gaster.  He tried to keep his bones from audibly rattling as his sons emerged from the alley.

“You might run into some unsavoury types around here,” Sans continued, his sharp teeth bared in a psychotic grin.  “Lucky for you, we’re here to protect you.”  His shoulders hitched as he laughed mirthlessly.  “Just like you protected us, right?  When we were just defenceless kids?”

“I- I didn’t-“ Gaster stammered.  He frantically tried to come up with something to say in his defence, but he knew Sans was right.  He had failed to protect his creations- his children.  And now he was facing his retribution, too frozen with fear to run away.  Not that he fancied his chances of escaping from two trained Guardsmen.

Papyrus, who had been silently watching with murder in his eyes, took a menacing step forward.

“ENOUGH PLAYING WITH HIM, SANS,” he growled.  “WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS LONG ENOUGH.”

Gaster knew all too well his sons’ capabilities.  He had personally designed the Karmic Retribution ability.  As one of the lowest-level monsters in the city, he knew that the power would have limited effect on him.  But then again, that only meant that his death would not be quick.

He gave an involuntary grunt of surprise as his SOUL was seized with blue magic and a heavy bone swept his legs out from under him.  He hit the ground hard under the increased gravity, his kneecaps nearly shattering from the impact.  His briefcase flew out of his hand and scattered his papers across the street.

Despite his limited abilities, Gaster managed to conjure a defensive shield that barely deflected Papyrus’ next attack.  The shield vanished as his concentration broke and he scrambled backwards, trying to put distance between him and his attackers.

“Miss me?” he heard Sans say from directly behind him.  He hadn’t even noticed him teleport.  He didn’t even have time to turn around before he felt a kick connect with his spine, Sans having forgone a magic attack for a physical one.

Gaster grunted in pain, attempting to conjure another shield but failing.  He felt another bone attack impact his ribs, cracking several and bringing tears to his good eye.  He didn’t have time to recover before another attack fractured his skull, leaving his HP drained to the single digits.

Gaster’s head spun and his vision filled with white as he slumped to the ground.  Even if he were powerful enough to fight back, he was no longer in any condition to do so.  All he could do was wheeze painful breaths and wait for the killing blow.  Who would take his life, he idly wondered, Sans or Papyrus?  Maybe they would do it together and split his meagre LV between them.

Squeezing his good eye shut, he braced himself for death.

Papyrus and Sans grinned at the curled up skeleton on the ground that was their father, as pathetic as he was when he had failed to protect them all those years ago.  They paused to savor their moment of vengeance as they finally rid themselves of this bastard for good.

“Hey, bro, the honour is all yours. ” Sans motioned at Gaster and made a sarcastic bow towards Papyrus.

“NO, SANS, WE SHOULD DO IT TOGETHER. HE FAILED YOU JUST AS BADLY AS HE FAILED ME, IF NOT MORE,” Papyrus argued.

“Hey, Boss, I gotta keep my slate clean of EXP, ya know! Ain’t gonna taint it with whatever measly points this guy’s has… although…” his one good eye flared with dark red magic, “Killing him with you would be pretty fun.”

“EXACTLY WHAT I’M SAYING, SANS! NOW LET’S GET ON WITH IT SO WE DON’T HAVE TO BE BOTHERED WITH HIM ANYMORE.”

“Heh, _how about on the count of three?_ ” growled Sans with menace, his SOUL and his Magic Eye pulsed in sync with his brother’s.

Gaster didn’t even look up to see death in the face as Sans and Papyrus conjured a huge Gaster Blaster combined of both their magics, a deafening hum vibrated through the small streets.

“One…” Sans started, but the brothers didn’t bother to get to two before they fired. A concentrated, blinding light burst from the Blaster and spilled its power on the defenseless monster… but nothing happened.

“…What.” Sans said in his stupor, when he found the surprised, but shaken scientist, still there, blinking and breathing. Then his eye-sockets widened as he saw a flash of black, “Oh, shi—”

Reacting like lightning, Sans was barely able to conjure a bone shield in time to absorb a towering fireball that roared towards them.  Still, he was blown backward by the impact. Papyrus didn’t react fast enough as Sans flew straight into him, and the two skeleton brothers crashed into the wall behind them.  

“ **PAPYRUS! SANS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU TWO KNUCKLEHEADS ARE DOING, ATTACKING MY ROYAL SCIENTIST?!”** roared the Ruler of the Monsters, King Asgore.

The two skeletons untangled themselves from each other, groaning in pain.

“S-Sir, we, I uh—” stammered Sans..

“ **ANSWER ME CLEARLY OR I’LL DUST YOU BOTH HERE RIGHT WHERE YOU STAND!”**

Gaster sat up from where he had been watching the scene in numb silence.  “King Asgore,” he gasped.  “Please, that is not necessary…” He flinched when the Monster King set his raging, flaring eyes upon him. But still he continued on, “My King, please do not kill them. They only wanted the reprisal I deserved.”

“Killing one’s father is not acceptable, Doctor Gaster, even for revenge. Monsters may kill others but not their own.” Asgore growled.

“I know, Asgore, but… I don’t want my sons to die because of a mistake I made a long time ago…” Gaster’s voice became smaller and smaller with every word that he uttered.

Asgore shot him a disapproving glance, then glowered at the two injured skeletons across the street. One of them was trying to use Healing Magic on the other, who was bleeding bone marrow from a large crack on his head.

“…As you wish. YOU TWO!” Asgore snarled at the jumpy skeletons, who shrank at his voice, “IF I SEE YOU TWO HARMING DOCTOR GASTER AGAIN, I’LL HAVE YOU BOTH STRIPPED OF YOUR STATUSES AND DEEMED TRAITORS TO THE KINGDOM, DO YOU HEAR ME?”

Sans and Papyrus nodded quickly, hunched up next to each other like they were 5-year-olds again.  With Asgore’s dismissive wave of the hand, they scrambled to their feet and fled back down the alley they had come from.

“You could have put it in a nicer way…” Gaster said under his breath, too quietly for Asgore to hear.

Asgore sighed and looked at the skeleton before him, still sitting in the dirty street with his papers scattered everywhere. Hauling him to his feet and putting a gigantic paw on his shoulder, his voice softened.  “Come on, let’s get back to my house to heal you up, you’re still badly damaged.”

“Your Majesty, I-...” Gaster starts, but Asgore, without letting him finish, simply picked him up and started on his way to New Home.

 

* * *

 

“You need to be more careful,” Asgore lectured.  

Gaster didn’t respond, staring down at his untouched tea in somber silence.

“What if they attack again and I don’t show up in time?” Asgore pressed.  “What do you expect to do then?”

“They won’t try that again,” Gaster muttered.  His magic hands signed along with him as he spoke.  “You scared them half to death.”

“They asked for it,” Asgore said firmly.  “Those two have been making your life difficult for long enough.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” Gaster sighed.  “They’re only letting out their resentment in harmless ways.”

“Harmless?” Asgore scoffed.  “Do you remember what happened to the rabbit?”

Gaster clenched his jaw.  “Please don’t talk about Mister Nibbles.”

“I’m sorry.  How’s the new rabbit doing?” Asgore asked.

“He’s fine.  He’s… fluffy.”  Despite himself, Gaster’s teeth twitched in a quick smile.  Asgore noticed the expression and chuckled.

The conversation lapsed again.  Though Gaster was usually inclined to introspective silence, Asgore knew him well enough to tell when something was wrong.

“Do you really think they would have been justified in killing you?” Asgore finally asked.  Gaster had never told him the details of what had happened to cause such a falling-out between the skeleton and his artificial sons.

Gaster didn’t respond for the longest time, staring into his cooling tea with an unreadable expression.  Finally he muttered, “it doesn’t matter.”

Asgore sighed heavily.  “We’ll have to agree to disagree, then.  Are you still injured?  Do you want to stay the night?”

Gaster shook his head.  “I need to get home.  After losing my papers, I’ll be behind in my work.”  He moved to stand up, but swayed dizzily.  Asgore knocked his chair over in his hurry to support Gaster, offering him his arm to lean on.

“You are still injured.  You should really stay here,” Asgore insisted.

“I can’t,” Gaster refused.

Asgore’s voice dropped to a menacing growl.  “Stay,” he commanded.

Asgore was widely agreed to be the most terrifying monster in the Underground.  He had risen to his position through a campaign of violence and brutal intimidation.  When Asgore gave an order, no monster dared to refuse him.

Except Gaster.

“No,” Gaster said flatly.

The two engaged in a brief but intense staring contest before Asgore capitulated.  “Very well,” he agreed gruffly.  “I’ll walk you home, and we can collect your papers on the way.”

Gaster nodded meekly, his sudden boldness deserting him once again.  “Thank you.”

 

* * *

“Man, we almost had him!” Sans growled, shifting in his seat with agitation.

“SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL!” Papyrus scolded.  “DO YOU WANT YOUR SKULL TO FALL OFF?”

The brothers had fled back to their home in Snowdin to lick their wounds and recover their dignity.  Sans sat at the kitchen table while Papyrus stood behind him, healing the long crack in his skull.

“UGH,” he muttered with dissatisfaction, tilting Sans’s head from side to side as he examined the injury.  “IT’S GOING TO LEAVE A SCAR.”

Sans seemed unconcerned.  “Cool.  Chicks dig scars.”

“SANS, OF ALL THE UNGRATEFUL--  AFTER ALL THE TROUBLE I GO THROUGH TO KEEP YOU FROM HARM, THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS ACT REMORSEFUL!”

Sans smirked, but relented.  “You’re right, bro.  Thanks for breaking my fall back there.  You make a very pointy landing pad.”

“YOU’RE NOT FUNNY.”

“Aw, you just don’t “catch” my humour.”

Sans grunted as Papyrus knocked him out of the chair, but still chuckled.  “That joke was worth taking the “fall” for it.”

Papyrus snorted with distaste and stormed out of the kitchen. “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, SANS!” he shouted.  “DON’T TALK TO ME AGAIN UNTIL YOU’RE READY TO BE SERIOUS!”

Sans considered following his brother and needling him further, but decided not to push his luck.  Papyrus’ high LV meant that he was powerful, but mentally unstable.  Even Sans, who was usually able to keep Papyrus calm, had to tread carefully to avoid triggering Papyrus’ temper.

In a way, the two balanced each other out.  Papyrus was, of course, the stronger of the duo.  As Captain of the Royal Guard, his LV was second only to Asgore.  His intimidating presence and terrifying reputation was enough to keep Sans from being preyed upon by stronger monsters.

Sans, for his part, was much weaker than would be expected for a Vice Captain.  His LV was barely above zero.  He had risen to his position through virtue of his connection to Papyrus and his unique skills that benefited him during battle.  Not that he would ever thank Gaster for that.

He had been asked, mostly by Undyne and Asgore, why he didn’t work harder to raise his LV.  “I’m too lazy to be bothered,” was his usual answer, accompanied by a smarmy smirk.  But the truth was, he kept his LV low on purpose.  High EXP made a monster stronger, but it a double-edged sword.  Without Sans’s calming presence, Papyrus might have become a raging, mindless beast years ago.

Yawning widely, he contemplated falling asleep on the kitchen floor.  He’d certainly slept in less comfortable places.  But he didn’t look forward to the swift wake-up kick he’d receive if Papyrus found him napping.

“What do you wanna do now, Boss?” he asked lazily, wandering into the living room to find Papyrus polishing his armor.  

“I’M BUSY.  GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE.”

“Aww, c’mon, you know I don’t have any friends.”  Sans slumped onto the couch, not bothering to offer to help.  “How about we go break into Gaster’s house and move all his furniture just slightly?  He’s only got one eye.  He’d be tripping all over the place.”

Papyrus laughed at the mental image.  “MAYBE LATER.  ASGORE’S MAD AT US ENOUGH ALREADY.  LET’S LET HIM COOL DOWN BEFORE WE MESS WITH HIS FAVORITE TOY AGAIN.”

“I don’t know why the king bothers with a weak loser like him,” Sans muttered.

“THE SAME REASON WHY _I_ BOTHER WITH _YOU.”_ Papyrus leaned over to give Sans an affectionate punch to the ribs.  It wouldn’t have even hurt if Papyrus hadn’t been wearing a metal gauntlet.

“Ow!” Sans howled.  He fell backwards theatrically on the couch.  “You’ve killed me.”  

“DON’T BE MELODRAMATIC, SANS.”  Papyrus turned back to his armor.  “NO ONE RELATED TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS COULD BE KILLED SO EASILY.”

“I’m awesome adjacent,” Sans suggested.  Papyrus’ cat, Waffles, jumped onto the couch and curled up on Sans’s ribcage, purring loudly as Sans stroked him.

Sans fell asleep on the couch while Papyrus continued cleaning his armor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks much, Fazzbear, my moral support and occasionally my conscience! :3  
> A sarcastic thanks for leaving the summary to me! *thumbs up*  
> Here's hoping this story turns out well! :D


	2. Just Another Typical Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaster gets coffee, Papyrus reminisces, and Sans deals with insubordination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A typical conversation while chatting online with Fazzbear:
> 
> Fazz: So what are we going to publish for chapter 2?  
> Cunzy: Dunno. How about the Temmie scene? And I think we have the Gaster scene done too.  
> Fazz: Okay, and we also have the scene where Sans dunks that hyena guy.  
> Cunzy: Oh yeah, I forgot about that one.  
> Fazz: So we can publish those three scenes together?  
> Cunzy: .......  
> Fazz: ......  
> Cunzy: WE COULD HAVE PUBLISHED THIS A WEEK AGO  
> Fazz: WHY ARE WE SO DISORGANIZED  
> Both: *INCOHERENT SCREAMING*

Gaster was back to work at the lab the very next day.  Still dizzy from last night’s experience and the subsequent restless night’s sleep, he was nevertheless determined not to let it interfere with his work.

Upon arriving at the office granted to him as Head Royal Scientist, Gaster set his briefcase on his desk.  His papers were still slightly dirty from being scattered all over, and it had taken him nearly an hour last night to arrange them back into their proper order.  Sighing heavily, he went off to make himself a decent cup of coffee.  A splitting headache was pounding inside his hollow skull.

The laboratory that Gaster worked in was halfway across New Home from Gaster’s apartment.  It was three stories tall, populated with a dizzying variety of monsters working as scientists and lab assistants.  As the Head Royal Scientist, Gaster was technically superior to all of them in rank and commanded a certain respect, but his socially awkward tendencies and lack of assertiveness meant that he spent more time doing paperwork and conducting solo experiments than socializing.

As the coffee percolated, he glanced around the Lab for Dr. Alphys, his assistant scientist and his successor. It was surprising that he hadn’t seen her yet, since she was usually at the lab from dawn till dusk.  Her office, down the hall from his, was even more cluttered with paperwork and half-finished experiments than Gaster’s own.

She didn’t seem to be anywhere nearby.  Gaster idly wondered what she was up to as he filled his favorite “World’s Best ~~Dad~~  Scientist” mug with warm, rich mocha.  Errand accomplished, he returned to his office to sort out the stacks of files that threatened to crush him an an avalanche of cascading paper. He relaxed slightly, the tension leaving his shoulders as he sipped his beverage and prepared for a quiet day… until a loud female voice made him spit mocha all over his paperwork.

“Hello there, Doctor Gaster!” the yellow lizard monster greeted with a toothy grin, leaning through the doorway into his office.  She wore her usual lab coat, sleeves hiked up around her elbows as she carried a heavy-looking cage covered in a sheet.

“GAH!... Oh… hello there, Doctor Alphys…” Gaster mumbled, trying to rescue his papers. “How are you this fine morning?”

Alphys snorted. “What kind of monster says ‘this fine morning?’ It’s too early for your annoying politeness.  Since you _asked_ , I’m fine.  But who actually cares?”

Gaster nodded, knowing that Alphys’ brusque attitude was common among monsters and was not to be taken personally. Unable to maintain eye contact, he looked back down at his papers as he mumbled, “Are you going to continue your, uh… experiment... today? Or is it just papers and theoretical work?”

Alphys laughed gratingly. “Well, of course I’m doing my experiment! I can’t leave it alone all day! Who knows what that thing is going to do! What if it escapes?  Or attacks the other personnel?  I mean, almost everyone besides you and me are expendable, but still.”

Gaster shuddered at the idea of one of her ‘creations’ escaping, the last time that had happened, two scientists became dust before it was wrestled back into its cage. Gaster himself had nearly been a victim, if it hadn’t been for his ability to fold his bones to fit into tight spaces such as the ventilation duct.  

“Understandable, we don’t want another incident like before,” Gaster agreed mildly. “Well, Alphys, I’m sure you need to continue with your work, but if you need my help with anything, I’ll be here.”

Alphys snorted again.  “I’m sure you will.  It’s not like you ever do anything more interesting than hide in your office.”

Still carrying the cage, which was now emitting growling noises, she bustled out the door.  Gaster tried to put the conversation out of his mind as he got on with his day.

* * *

“GRAAAH!” Undyne hollered as she crashed through the door into Sans and Papyrus’ house.  “Papyrus! Get out here and fight me!”

The tall fish woman was already wearing her full Guard armor, her fiery red hair in a tight ponytail.  Her face was criscrossed with old scars, but she was grinning widely at the thought of a challenge.

“NYEH!” Papyrus grunted as he stumbled out of his bedroom and down the stairs.  “UNDYNE, IT’S NOT TIME FOR TRAINING YET!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“I’m challenging you!” Undyne shouted in his face.  “You’ve become complacent, skeleton man!  It’s my job as your number two to keep you on your toes!”

Papyrus was not amused.  “SANS KEEPS ME ON MY TOES PLENTY, THANKS.  MOSTLY BY THROWING HIMSELF INTO DANGER AND LEAVING ME TO CHASE AFTER HIM.”

“Excuses, excuses!  Now shut up and FIGHT ME!”

“NO.”

Undyne narrowed her eyes.  “Well, then maybe I’ll fight Sans instead.”

She moved to walk past Papyrus, but was stopped in her tracks by a bone attack that sent her flying.  Papyrus stood over her threateningly, another attack poised to stab her right through the gills.

“DON’T FORGET WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE, UNDYNE,” he growled.  “AND DON’T FORGET WHAT I DID TO GET WHERE I AM.”

Undyne glared at him, still defiant.  “I haven’t forgotten anything, _Captain,”_ her tone was mocking.  “I also haven’t forgotten that you wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without _me.”_

Papyrus smirked.  “I THINK WE’RE REMEMBERING THINGS A BIT DIFFERENTLY.”

“Is that so?” Undyne said flatly.

They both fell silent, recalling the incident that had led Papyrus to be promoted to Captain and Undyne to his second-in-command.

Several years previously, when they were both younger, comparatively naive, and ambitious, they were in the same squad together in the Royal Guard.  Sans wasn’t even a member at the time, preferring to squander his time napping and going to bars.

Papyrus and Undyne had been on patrol together, pacing the perimeter of Waterfall to keep the peace through their threatening presence.  Back then, their relationship had been confrontational at best.  They respected each other’s strength, but by no stretch of the imagination could they be called friends.

“Man, this is boring,” Undyne griped.  “Waterfall’s the same every day.  Why are we even on patrol?  It’s not like we care if anyone gets into a fight around here.  That’s just how monsters say hello.”

“WE’RE DOING IT BECAUSE IT’S OUR JOB,” Papyrus said flatly.  “THOUGH IF YOU’D RATHER NOT, YOU’RE WELCOME TO QUIT.”

Undyne barked a laugh.  “And give up the competition for Captain?  You wish.”

Since their last Captain had been dusted the week before, Asgore had been waiting for one of the Guard members to impress him sufficiently to earn a promotion to the position.  Papyrus and Undyne, being young, hungry, and ruthless, were the prime candidates.  Or at least, they would be if they didn’t end up dusting each other before they had the chance to be promoted.

Walking in step with each other, they turned a corner and left the river behind them.  Undyne unconsciously summoned a glowing spear, hefting it over her shoulder defensively.  Reacting to the sudden tense atmosphere, Papyrus clenched his teeth and slowed his steps, watching for any potential danger.

“IS THAT…” Papyrus left the question dangling.

“Yeah” Undyne knew what he meant.  “The Temmie Village is up ahead.”

By far the most dangerous area of Waterfall was the Temmie Village, fenced in by barbed wire and electric force fields.  It was the duty of the Royal Guard to ensure that none of the feral, vicious Temmies ever escaped and wreaked havoc on the citizens of the Underground.  In the past, when the fence had been breached, the death toll had been catastrophic.

Undyne was holding her breath as they passed the signposts warning travelers to stay away.  This particular area was a complicated maze lit by glowing mushrooms, so it was easy for a monster to lose their bearings and find themselves at the fence.

The fence...

Papyrus stopped in his tracks.  Undyne froze at his side.  Her fists were clenched around her spear so tightly her knuckles had turned white.

The fence had a hole in it.  One of the segments of barbed wire, crisscrossed between the force fields, had collapsed.  The exposed tunnel behind it was dark and ominously silent.

“How long has that been there?” Undyne whispered, scanning their surroundings.  “Have any escaped?”

“HOW SHOULD I KNOW?” Papyrus whispered back, his voice a little louder than hers.  The glowing mushrooms barely illuminated patches of the grassy earth, leaving the cavern in uneven darkness.  Any number of enemies could be hiding in the shadows around them.

“Should we go get help?” Undyne suggested in an undertone, moving to put herself back-to-back with Papyrus.

“WE CAN’T LEAVE.  WE HAVE TO PROTECT THE UNDERGROUND FROM ANY TEMMIES THAT MAY BE RUNNING LOOSE,” Papyrus declared.  “LET’S BLOCK THE ENTRANCES TO THE CAVERN AND REPAIR THE FENCE, THEN-”

He stopped short as a single Temmie detached itself from the shadows and trotted into view as though it hadn’t a care in the world.  Sitting down next to one of the mushrooms, it was for all appearances an ordinary animal.

Until it smiled.  

There seemed to be too many fangs to fit in its mouth, glistening and sharp.  Its eyes glowed red with the promise of a painful death.

 _“Hoi…”_ it hissed.

Undyne and Papyrus stepped back instinctively as the horrendous thing took a step forward.

“ _I’m Temmie!”_ it snarled.

“SHIT!” Papyrus cursed.  He and Undyne pointed their weapons at the tiny creature, tense with anticipation as they waited for the beast to strike.

Surprisingly, it didn’t.  It held eye contact, growling menacingly, but made no move to attack.  Undyne resisted the urge to break the tense standoff by hurling her spear through one of its red eyes.

Too late, a shifting in the surrounding shadows caught her eye.  Gut twisting in horror, Undyne realized their fatal mistake.  While they had been focused on the single visible Temmie, at least a dozen others had surrounded them.

Undyne and Papyrus reacted simultaneously, a protective lattice of bones and spears forming around the pair.  A split second later, the horde of tiny nightmares crashed into their makeshift shield.  Temmie teeth, bred to tear through a monster’s defenses like tissue paper, shredded their magic with frightening speed.

“HOLY FACK” Undyne screeched as a Temmie launched itself at her face and she batted it away with a spear, skewering a second one in the same motion.  Unlike a normal monster, the Temmie dissolved in a pool of acid as it died.  The remaining Temmies growled in synchrony, sounding ominously like a war chant, as they prepared to go in for the kill.

The spear was torn out of her hands by hungry teeth.  She raised her gauntleted arms to protect herself as a Temmie lunged for her throat.  

Only for a red shockwave to send the creature, and the rest of the Temmie pack, flying backward with high-pitched squeals of pain.  Undyne stumbled, staring in shock at Papyrus, standing tall as his eyes burned with red fire.

He grunted almost dismissively as a wave of sharpened bone attacks swept over the Temmies, scattering them with a spray of blood and acid.  Before the creatures had a chance to regroup or flee, Undyne and Papyrus made short work of the pack.

Once the rogue Temmies had been dispatched, Undyne stayed behind to reinforce the fence with her spears and sweep the cavern for any stragglers while Papyrus went to report the incident.  In the aftermath, once reinforcements arrived to properly rebuild the fence and provide any necessary medical attention, Asgore promoted them both on the spot.  Papyrus became the new captain and Undyne his second-in-command.  The very next day, Sans joined the Guard as well.

  
That had been almost five years ago.  Now Papyrus and Undyne sat at Papyrus’s kitchen table, argument forgotten, as they finished their tea.  Papyrus thanked her for coming by and promised to train together soon, and Undyne took her leave.

* * *

 

“Hey, what’re you doing here? Where’s the Captain?” questioned one of the Royal Guards.

Sans stared at the group idly while picking at his teeth.  A gang of Guardsmen had been loitering in the street outside their headquarters, and now they were staring at him with unmasked hostility.

“Undyne and my bro are out on an errand, and they left me in charge of you guys for the day.  Not that I actually wanted to do the job, but I reasoned somebody had to babysit you lot before you make a mess of yourselves.”  The effort of explaining himself made Sans stifle a yawn.

The guards stared at Sans for a moment before one of them laughed.

“Ha! Do you really think we’re gonna follow your orders, _Vice Captain?_ That’s hilarious, I ain’t gonna be bossed around by a 1 HP runt!” cackled a hyena-like monster, looking back at the group who agreed with nods and snickers.

Sans seemed undeterred and disinterested. “I’m not telling you what to do, I’m just telling you what Asgore wants done today. You don’t want to disobey Asgore, do ya?”

The guard still smiled, “Well, Asgore isn’t here, so I see no harm coming to us if we don’t do our job…” Sans raised a browbone at him, waiting for him to continue on.

“We’re supposed to follow _your_ orders, and that makes you responsible for any trouble.  If something happens, then it’s _you_ who’ll be in trouble with the king.  He won’t know any different.”

Sans just looked at him lethargically.

“And why wouldn’t Asgore know?” drawled Sans, shifting in his spot a little.

“Because you aren’t going to say anything, ya little runt.”  He said, grinning wide.

Sans didn’t move.  “That sounds a lot like a threat.”

The hyena’s grin continued to widen.  It was now showing twice as many teeth as could seemingly fit in its mouth.  Sans would have been impressed, if he wasn’t so busy yawning.

“Are we gonna fight or what?” Sans finally prompted.  “I don’t got all day.”

The hyena cackled.  The laughter spread through his friends like a wave.  “Well, since you asked.”  He advanced forward menacingly.

Sans watched with a lazy eye, gauging the moment that the hyena would spring.  The instant it leaped forward and its feet left the ground, Sans raised a hand indifferently.  

The monster froze in midair, its SOUL caught in a blue aura.  It barely had time to widen its eyes in surprise before Sans flicked his hand to one side, sending the hyena crashing into the nearby wall with shattering force.  Reversing the motion, Sans threw the monster into the opposite wall before smashing it into the ground and increasing gravity until it was pressed into the street, whining pitifully.

Sans stared down at his victim, thinking only of how soon he could get home and take a nap. The group wasn’t laughing anymore.

“Anyone else have a problem with me?” he addressed the remaining guards.  He was answered by rapid shakes of heads and muttered apologies before they dispersed at lightning speed, disappearing into the building or the nearby alleyways.

Sans shrugged indifferently before turning around to return home.  “Guess my job’s done for the day.”

He had been asleep on the couch for most of the afternoon by the time Papyrus crashed through the door in his usual noisy way.

“WAKEY WAKEY, SANS!” Papyrus called briskly.  “I’M SURE YOU’VE BEEN ASLEEP ALL DAY DESPITE MY SPECIFIC ORDERS OTHERWISE, SO IT’S TIME FOR YOU TO GET UP AND BE PRODUCTIVE!”

Sans mumbled into the sofa and shifted to a more comfortable position, but otherwise didn’t respond.  Waffles, who had been curled up against his spine, made an annoyed noise.  All at once, Sans was awoken roughly as Papyrus lifted him off the couch by the hood of his jacket.  Waffles screeched and leaped away, streaking to Papyrus’s room to continue her nap.

Sans, now dangling in the air by his hood, grinned lazily at Papyrus.  “Sup, Boss,” he greeted cheekily.  “How’s it ‘hanging?’”

Papyrus was not amused.  “SANS, DID YOU DO ANYTHING I ASKED YOU TO DO WHILE I WAS GONE?”

Sans pretended to think.  “Dunno.  Did you ask me to drink some ketchup and take a nice nap?  That sounds like the sort of thing I’d do if you asked.”

“SANS,” Papyrus warned with a meaningful stare.  “NOTHING HAPPENS IN THE UNDERGROUND WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE.”

Sans dangled in silence, meeting his gaze.  “I know,” he finally said.  They stared each other down for a moment.  Sans kept his grin from faltering while Papyrus scrutinized his face intently.

“JUST TELL ME IF I NEED TO KILL SOMEONE,” Papyrus finally said.

Sans’s grin widened.  “It’s all good, bro.  You know I can take care of myself.”

Papyrus rolled his eyelights, but dumped Sans back onto the couch.  “I KNOW, I KNOW.  FORGIVE ME FOR BEING A BIT PARANOID AFTER THE “OXYMORON” INCIDENT.”

Sans snorted.  “Whatever.  We both know you’re just an obsessive mother-hen on the inside.”

“YOU TAKE THAT BACK.”

“What?” Sans teased.  “You know I’m right.”

“THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS, SANS.  I’M NOT AFRAID TO KICK YOUR ASS ALL THE WAY TO HOTLAND.”

Papyrus faked a punch and Sans dodged out of the way, scooting across the couch out of range.  “Yeah, right.  You couldn’t even take on Waffles.”

Sans vanished as Papyrus lunged across the sofa, reappearing behind him as he howled with laughter.  “Nice try, but not fast enough!”

Papyrus whirled and glared at Sans.  “HOLD STILL SO I CAN KILL YOU!”

“Sorry, bro, but you should quit before you do something _really_ embarrassing.”  Sans’s grin was as wide as his face as he taunted Papyrus.

Papyrus glared, then trapped Sans’s soul with blue magic.  Sans’s smile faltered as his feet lifted off the ground, then his eye flared as he countered with his own magic.  “Sorry, no cheating!”

Sans dodged again as Papyrus jumped off the couch and swiped at him, kicking at Papyrus’s knee and sending him crashing gracelessly to the ground.

Papyrus wheezed, the breath knocked out of his ribs.  “SANS…” he grunted.  “IF WE WERE TO CONTINUE THIS BATTLE, YOU WOULD OBVIOUSLY BE TOAST.  BUT SINCE YOU’RE MY BROTHER AND I FEEL NO NEED TO DEMONSTRATE MY CONTINUED SUPERIORITY, I ELECT TO GRANT YOU PITY.”

Sans smirked, but refrained from goading Papyrus further.  Instead, he stuck out his hand and hauled Papyrus to his feet.  “You’re right, bro.  We both know I’m no match for the Great Papyrus.”

Papyrus cackled, then paused.  “WHAT WERE WE FIGHTING ABOUT, ANYWAY?”

Sans shrugged.  “No idea.  Let’s go eat dinner.”

  
“SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.  I’LL MAKE SOME SPAGHETTI.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I have glimpsed into the future and this shall be a conversation between me and Cunzy in a few days)
> 
> Fazz: GAWD I AM SO GLAD WE GOT THIS PUBLISHED. NOW WE CAN DO CHAPTER THREE.  
> Cunzy: Yeah! But what are we going to do for it anyway?  
> Fazz:...  
> Cunzy:...  
> Fazz:...any ideas?  
> Cunzy:...no.  
> Fazz: WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO US. WHAT'RE WE GONNA DO.  
> Cunzy: I DUNNO.  
> Fazz: WE'RE DOOMED!!!!  
> -SCREAMS OF THE DAMNED-


	3. Two Drunk Skeletons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans comes home drunk and Papyrus is not impressed. Then the small skele decides to play a game of tag.
> 
> Gaster wallows himself in Vodka and sob-stories. And destroys his living room. Good thing Asgore is there to console him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My skeles really need to stop drinking.

Sans giggled drunkenly to himself as he put his twitchy hand on the doorknob, failing a couple of times to turn the knob properly before swinging the door open wide. It made a loud banging noise as it hit the wall.

 

“Paaaaapppppsss….” Sans slurred. “Pappss are you here??? I need… I need… there’s,” Sans hiccupped and looked down at his feet, seeing Doomfanger, Papyrus’ other cat, swiping at his slipper-sneakers. “Cat. There’s a cat. He’s trying to eat my shoe, Paps…”

 

Papyrus looked coldly at Sans from his seat in the kitchen.  His immature, irresponsible brother had decided to wander home at 2 in the morning… and he was drunk.

 

“NOT THIS AGAIN,” he growled to himself. Not only did he stay up, waiting to see if Sans would come home in one piece, now he had one of _those days_ on his hands. He stormed out of the kitchen and loomed over Sans threateningly.

 

“HOW MANY DRINKS DID YOU HAVE THIS TIME, SANS?” Papyrus demanded.

 

“Boss, boss… I only had… a few…. A few… dozen… nothing much. I just… needed to have extra gold for the b…boooze, so I stole some of your gold, is that alright? Paps? B—buddy?” Sans blurped and stepped forwards, but he stepped on Doomfanger’s tail at the same time and the cat let out a yowl of pain and attacked Sans’ legs.

 

Sans drunkenly kicked the cat and Doomfanger hissed at him and dug itself under the couch, growling crossly.

 

“SANS! LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE!” Papyrus scolded, trying to coax his cat out of the couch.

 

“Sorry…sorry bro… I’m sorry.. I’ll uh… I’ll buy you a new cat… a big one… Is a bunny a cat? I can grab it off our Dad… I can break in and… and,” Sans teetered, leaning on Papyrus.

 

“NO, YOU NEED TO GO TO BED, SANS.” Papyrus snapped, shoving Sans off him.  Unable to keep his balance, Sans stumbled and fell to the floor.

 

“I fell.” Sans said.

 

“AMAZING OBSERVATION. I WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN IF YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME” Papyrus rolled his eye-lights, leaving Doomfanger to huddle under the couch as he picked up Sans and heaved him over his shoulder.  Even though Sans was almost as tall as him, nearly reaching his shoulder height, he didn’t let that expire his Sans-carrying privilege. Plus, Papyrus was secretly worried that his drunk brother might trip on the stairs and dust himself.

 

“Bro, you’re the best…” Sans patted the side of his head, “You’re so amazing… how can you even carrryyy me? I’m fat… I’m a skeleton but I’m fat… how does that even work? I have no skin… I’m just all bone!”

 

Sans suddenly snickered at his little joke he didn’t really intend to make, “I’m so funny… do you think I’m funny Papy?”

 

He didn’t, but it wasn’t worth making Sans upset at a time like this. He grumbled, “YES, YOU’RE FUNNY SANS. NOW STOP MOVING AROUND, YOU’RE MAKING IT HARD TO CARRY YOU.”

 

“Ooooookkaaayyy,” he slurred.

 

Papyrus got Sans up the stairs without any more wasted effort, but hesitated at the door to Sans’ room. His brother wasn’t one to keep anything clean; his room was like another world. A world where vacuums feared to tread. He sighed and reluctantly put his hand on the door… only to feel San’s unstable weight vanish from his shoulder.

 

Sans had then decided to teleport, making Papyrus let out an undignified squawk of alarm.

 

“Hehehehhh…Paps, Paps, nooo, let’s not go to bed! I wanna stay up!” Sans whined happily from the floor, “Let’s play a…a a ga- _haa_ me! Like ol—ol…old times! When we liked Dad and we were babybones!  Remember how he would play with us?”

 

“SANS, NO…” Papyrus started, then tried to grab his brother again only to catch air. He stumbled and fell to the ground with a loud, “ _OOF!”_

 

“ _Tag!_ We, we can p--play tag! Hahaha! G-o-ood idea Papapapy!” Sans clapped and jumped like a child and tapped Papyrus on the head, “Your—You’re i _-eeii_ it!”

 

“SANS! COME BACK HERE!!!” Papyrus yelled, scrambling to his feet as Sans scampered down the steps, teleporting every few seconds as he got closer to the door. Sans slammed into the door and tumbled back and disappeared before Papyrus could get his hands on him.  Amid his frustration, Papyrus felt a sharp spike of worry.  Sans couldn’t tolerate a great deal of roughhousing, and he didn’t have a strong grasp of his limits while drunk.

 

“Step up your game Paaaaps! You used to be good at this! Gu-Guess you like being a lo _ooo_ ser in this now. Ahahaha!” Sans taunted from outside.

 

“GRAH!” Papyrus growled and burst out of the house, trying to drag Sans back with blue magic.  Sans flung a bone attack at Papyrus, dealing minimal damage but sending him stumbling backward.

 

“No cheating!” Sans scolded, then ran off in the direction of Snowdin Forest with Papyrus hot on his heels.

 

“I’M NOT PLAYING YOUR GAMES, SANS! NOW GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE BEFORE I BLAST YOU!” empty-threatened Papyrus.

 

Sans, not recognizing the bluff for what it was, only picked up speed. He stumbled onto the bridge, which wobbled ominously as Sans stumbled unsteadily from side to side.

 

“ _DON’T KILL MEEEEE!”_ wailed Sans.

 

“SANS GET BACK HERE! YOU’RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF!” Papyrus yelled.

 

As he spoke, the entire bridge tilted sideways. Papyrus howled in panic, lunging uselessly for the bridge. Snatching at his brother’s Soul with blue magic, he managed to slow his momentum for a few seconds before Sans teleported again and onto the other side, safe and sound.

 

Breathing a bone-deep sigh of relief, Papyrus trotted to the other side of the now-upright bridge. In an instant, his fear returned.  In the brief time it had taken him to cross the bridge, Sans had vanished again.  This time, though, there were drag marks in the snow.

 

Papyrus took off running once again, following the conspicuous trail.  Almost immediately, he caught up to Sans being dragged and flailed around in the snow by Greater Dog. Sans was yelling something incoherent in loud barks and Greater Dog was growling and yelping, trying its best to kick Sans off of its long, white legs.

 

“OH, GOD NO.” Papyrus said, his Soul heavy with dread.

 

Greater Dog crashed into a tree and fell on its back, Sans attempting to grab it around the waist and give it a big cuddle. The dog snarled and snapped his jaws at the intoxicated skeleton, but Sans proved to be a slippery opponent. His foaming, twisted mouth only chomped on the cold air and Greater Dog squirmed and struggled to escape Sans’ grip.

 

Sans spotted Papyrus and trotted up to him, “Look! A doggy! I fou-ound a d-doggy, Papyru! We should keep it and call it Scooby!”

 

Papyrus flinched as the raging dog was suddenly pushed in his face, it’s spit flinging onto the taller skeleton, “GAH!” Papyrus slapped the dog away with his heavy gauntlets before it could gnaw on his skull.

 

“Pap-Papyrus!” yelled Sans, looking angry and disappointed, holding the now whimpering dog close, “You dund heet you-ru pets! Thadis nod ni-n-neice!”

 

“THAT THING IS NOT OUR PET, SANS! NOW PUT IT DOWN, WE’RE GOING HOME! I’VE CHASED YOU AROUND ENOUGH FOR TODAY.”

 

Sans snorted, which sounded more like a burp through the nose,“You’re nnoooot the bo-buss! I yam!”

 

“SANS, WE _NEED_ TO GO HOME NOW.” Papyrus argued.

 

“Am dee ol’est!” slurred Sans, “an-an’ I say, we s’day here an hug this dog” Sans demanded drunkenly and plopped himself down, hugging the dog until it wheezed for air, its long legs flapping uselessly.

 

“SANS, IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING.”

 

“How woul’ u kno? Theredi no sunlighd...or ‘lock” blurped Sans, defiant.

 

Sans wobbled, unsteadily toppling to one side, still holding the poor dog for dear life and made this long, broken, sound between something like a burping sound and a hurking sound. An indescribably coloured liquid started to seep through the gaps between Sans’ canine-like teeth. Sans gurgled, “Urrgghhh, I don feil well…”

 

Sans finally let go of the dog, which fled with its tail between his legs. Abruptly, he hurled up magic, the viscous glowing liquid splattering into the snow. Papyrus, both disgusted and appalled at the sight, stood at a safe distance until Sans had emptied his insubstantial insides onto the ground.  

 

“S-sorry, br-bro….” grumbled Sans when it was over.  He swayed unsteadily, but Papyrus caught him before he fell over again.

 

“WELL, JUST HOPE SOMETHING LIKE _THAT_ DOESN’T HAPPEN AGAIN, BECAUSE I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL THAT IS AND IF IT CAN ACTUALLY BE WASHED OUT.” Papyrus said, then added, “IF YOU DARE DO THAT ON ME ON THE WAY HOME, YOU’RE GONNA BE LOCKED IN THE SHED FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS.”

 

“Y-you really...need to stop with the fake threa-threats, Paps... “ Sans mumbled, laughing softly. He patted Papyrus’ head, resting his own on Papyrus’ shoulder. “It’s more hil-hilarious than my puns…”

 

Papyrus only snorted and said nothing else. By the time Papyrus got home, Sans was completely unconscious and snoring loudly. Too tired to walk up the stairs, Papyrus unceremoniously dropped Sans onto the worn couch and lowered himself with a groan into the corner between the wall and the couch.  He could still hear his poor cat growling from underneath the furniture as he nodded off…

* * *

 

“GAH! MY HEAD! MY RIBS! _MY EVERYTHING!_ ” groaned Sans loudly as soon as he woke up.

 

Papyrus was still fast asleep and didn’t notice Sans falling off the couch and curling up on himself. “Owwwwwwwww…..” he whined.

 

Doomfanger, who had finally emerged from under the couch, sat in front of the suffering skeleton, looking smug.

 

“Whad’a hell you looking at, hairball?” hissed Sans crossly.  Heaving himself to his feet, he stormed to his darkened room and slammed the door closed. He felt the pounding headache that was his hangover and grumbled crossly, and toppled into his bed and retracted himself deeper into his big, poofy clothing (much like a tortoise). It acted as a sleeping bag since he never bothered to wash his balled up blanket and sheets.

 

“Damn hangovers… damn cat…” muttered Sans darkly, rubbing his eye. He tried to get back into the realm of sleep, tuning out what seems to be the sound of a cat laughing.

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to break the… the… shelf…” Gaster hiccuped, sprawled in a seemingly uncomfortable position, wrapped around the fallen chair and the table. Gaster sometimes turned to drink when he had a particularly bad day at his job or when he had an unpleasant encounter with his non-biological sons. Usually he’d just have a glass, maybe two. But when Asgore came to visit him, he was drinking straight out of the bottle.

 

Gaster’s apartment was only a few streets away from the palace.  It was a modest one-bedroom affair with simple furniture and sparse decor, reflecting Gaster’s unassuming tastes and lack of social life.

 

At the moment, however, the living room was partially in ruins.  Gaster had knocked over the chairs and the coffee table, pulling a shelf off the wall and shattering the picture frames it held.

 

Asgore tried to ignore the bubbly magic hands signing completely nonsense words above the mind-muddled scientist, like _“Karatewood”_ and “ _Flush your hands.”_

 

“The...the the shelf... “ whimpered Gaster.

 

Asgore awkwardly picked up the scientist from the rubble and spoke reassurances to him, “No, no. It’s fine.”

 

“But… the shelf…” Gaster mumbled, patting the table and accidentally wacked the bottle of Vodka over, spilling what was left of the contents. Spilling his Vodka seemed to worsen his mood and he started to sob loudly, “Noooo! I’m s-s-sssorry! I--” A loud hiccup-burp erupted from his mouth, “I’m sooorrryy I’m such a-- _hic!_...Failure!”

 

The magic hands became a blur, and disappeared in a flurry of bubbles. Suddenly, the subject switched to Sans and Papyrus. “My boys.. My boies… they hat-hate me so mucsshh… Why do theih hate me? Wh-What didid-diid I do wrong?”

 

“You did nothing wrong, Gaster.” Asgore said firmly, leading the stumbling skeleton to his bedroom.  Asgore knew from experience that the only cure for a sad, drunken monologue was to sleep off the self-pity and the resulting hangover.

 

“You don’t know! You dund know whut hap-hap-happened!” cried Gaster, suddenly remembering the answer, “I feiled to protect them! I’m their Dad! I’m suppos-supposed to pretect them! Their my chil-children!”

 

“I know, I know,” hushed Asgore.

 

Gaster glared at him, almost in accusation,  “Yo-you understant… you understant! _Right?!_ Yo-youuu...you… didn-didn’t weren'… there… your son?”

 

Asgore suddenly froze, his teeth grinding against each other… _Asriel._ Asgore shook his head and didn’t respond as he opened the door to the bedroom and gently laid Gaster on the bed. Gaster curled up into a fetus position.

 

“We...we are both… bad..bad fathers…” whimpered Gaster, his good eye-socket fluttering closed, “Bad...bad...no...no...good…”

 

Asgore pulled the blanket over him and left in silence, letting Gaster sleep.

 

* * *

 

Several hours later, Gaster drifted painfully back into awareness with a pounding ache inside his empty skull.  He was lying tangled in his sheets, with the blanket twisting tightly through his ribcage.

 

 _How did I get here?_ he dimly wondered, trying to recall the events of the previous night.   _What day is it?  Why does my head hurt?  Did Sans and Papyrus attack me again?_

 

As he lay silently, trying not to move lest he disturb the nails that had apparently been pounded through his skull sometime during the night, he began to piece together what had happened.

 

Gaster usually wasn’t much of a drinker.  He prided himself on his clear head and sharp wit, and both of those were impaired by alcohol.  But sometimes the empty space inside his head was suffused with the memories, still so crystal clear after all these years, that assaulted the doctor with a pain he could swear was physical.  And so, he turned to the healthy coping mechanism of excessive alcohol.

 

With a resigned groan, Gaster untangled himself from his sheets with clumsy fingers.  He nearly fell over again as he tried to stand up, ending up half-leaning against his bed with one hand gently massaging between his eye sockets.  His bones felt simultaneously tender and stiff, as though the marrow inside had somehow solidified and expanded until they were on the verge of cracking from the inside.

 

Most of all, his head bloody _hurt._

 

Grumbling under his breath, Gaster stumbled across the room and down the hall in search of a glass of milk or some Advil.  Anything but more alcohol.  He never wanted to drink again.  Although, he made the same sort of resolution every time he made a regrettable decision, and he hadn’t ceased making regrettable decisions on a regular basis.

 

He vaguely recalled making a mess of his living room in his drunken stupor.  Expecting to see the place still in shambles, he stopped short when he beheld the room in comparative order.  The coffee table and chairs had been righted, and the broken glass from the picture frames had been swept up neatly. The shelf was a lost cause, unfortunately.  Gaster had blurry memories of clinging to it for support and pulling the whole thing off the wall.  He also vaguely remembered Asgore’s imposing presence in his peripheral vision, which explained the state of his living room.

 

With a rueful half smile, Gaster recalled the previous times Asgore had taken care of his drunk and miserable carcass. Gaster had done his best to return the favor, but… Asgore’s drinking was a bit more difficult to deal with. Despite his size and intimidating presence, Asgore had a surprisingly low tolerance for alcohol. Occasionally, Gaster would find himself called to seedy bars in the dead of night to find Asgore taking up the entire counter, snoring softly.  This led to the rather complicated logistical problem of a thirty-pound skeleton moving a half-ton goat through New Home.  After a great deal of trial and error, the most embarrassing incident of which involved Gaster attempting to roll Asgore home and ending up chasing him through the streets as he picked up speed, Gaster had been forced to admit defeat and accept that the best solution was to risk encountering Papyrus and Sans by calling the Royal Guard.

 

Bones still throbbing with the aftereffects of his drinking binge, Gaster lowered himself painfully into one of his less uncomfortable chairs.  Eyeing the pile of broken glass, he dug through it with his bare hands to retrieve the picture frames.  He examined them for damage with a cautious eye. The two faded photographs, sitting sadly in their cracked frames, were Gaster’s most treasured possessions.  He carefully removed the photos and stared at them until he could no longer see them through the tears blurring his eyes.

 

The first photo was from more than twenty years ago.  Gaster stood in front of his brand-new lab in his red scarf, looking every bit the young and idealistic monster that he had been at that age.  Asgore, looking exactly the same as he did now, stood with his massive arm slung around Gaster’s thin shoulders.  Gaster was nearly collapsing under the weight, but he managed a shy smile at the camera that was dwarfed by Asgore’s elated grin.  He was pointing at Gaster with his other hand as though pointing out his friend’s achievements to the world.

 

The other photo was slightly more recent.  Gaster was a few years older, slightly more worn-down, but he still retained the idealism of youth in his still-functional eyes.  Instead of a giant goat king, two small skeletons stood at his side.  Sans and Papyrus were holding hands, grinning at the camera.  Papyrus was wearing Gaster’s red scarf.  

 

 _How did I screw everything up so badly?_ Gaster asked himself. _Thanks to one stupid mistake, I nearly killed them both. I destroyed their trust in me forever.  They may have survived the accident, but I’ll never see them smile again..._

 

Ultimately, his tailspin of self-loathing drove him to just go back to bed.  A few hours of staring at the wall and hating himself sounded pretty good right about now.  

 

Before he collapsed back into his bed, he carefully placed the photos safely in a desk drawer to be re-framed later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what is up with your fascination with drunk characters, Fazz, but these chapters seem to show up in every one of our stories.  
> ALSO IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME. I SWEAR, FROM NOW ON WE POST A NEW CHAPTER EVERY TWO WEEKS OR WE BOTH COMMIT SEPPUKU  
> *cough* on an unrelated note, can any readers detect the differences in our writing styles? Usually, one or the other of us writes the bulk of the text for a chapter, but this time we split it 50/50. Fazz wrote the drunken antics and Cunzy wrote the hangovers. XD


	4. Christmas in June

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The obligatory Christmas special, because we have nothing better to do with our lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this story, the bros have almost the exact same personalities as their canon ones, except, you know... evil.  
> Interestingly enough, we usually split the writing (more or less) evenly, but this chapter was entirely Cunzy's work. BECAUSE FAZZ CAN'T BE BOTHERED APPARENTLY. *resentful glare*

Snow was drifting gently from the distant ceiling of the cavern, muffling the sounds of the town and blanketing the sharp edges of life in Underfell with a soft white glow.  Sans had never solved the mystery of how snow could fall underground, but he was content to watch the inexplicable weather through the window of his cozy home.

He lounged on the couch with Waffles curled on his lap, purring loudly.  Papyrus had been gone all morning, having insisted there was some important secret business that he had to take care of alone.  Sans had used the opportunity to arrange two presents for Papyrus under their modest tree. One was labeled “Santa” and one was from Sans.

“Guess that makes me ‘Sans-ta Claus’, doesn’t it?” he mused aloud.  Waffles twitched her tail in response.  Sans chuckled.  “At least someone thinks I’m funny.”

He idly ran his fingers through the cat’s fur, enjoying the rare moment of peace and quiet.

Of course, it could only last so long.  Waffles screeched and leaped a foot in the air as Papyrus crashed through the front door with his typical gusto.

“ _ SANS! _ ” he shouted at maximum volume.

Sans cringed.  “I’m sitting right here, Paps.  There’s literally no need to shout.”

Papyrus rounded the couch, leaning over Sans.  “HOW ELSE CAN I EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT?!” he hollered directly into Sans’ face.

Sans pulled the pillow out from behind himself and hurled it at Papyrus.  “Duuuude. ‘S not necessary.”

“BUT IT’S CHRISTMAS!” Papyrus insisted.  “LOOK, SANTA CAME!”

Sans glanced over at the two presents under the tree.  “Yeah, I noticed.  He musta come and gone while I was asleep.”

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS ASLEEP." Practically skipping across the room, Papyrus examined the gifts.  “HEY, THESE ARE BOTH FOR ME! WHY DIDN’T SANTA BRING YOU ANYTHING?”

Sans shrugged.  “Guess I’m on the naughty list again this year.”  

Inwardly, he smiled.  Despite the rough life they both led, Papyrus had somehow managed to retain a certain innocence that warmed Sans’ heart.   _ I worked hard enough to keep him this happy. He deserves to enjoy his Christmas. _

“WELL, IT’S A GOOD THING I GOT YOU SOMETHING!” Papyrus declared.

Sans looked up, surprised.  “You did?  Is that what you spent all day doing?”

“EXACTLY! NOW CLOSE YOUR EYES!”

“....What?”

“JUST DO IT!”

“Ugggh, fine.” With a heavy sigh, Sans squeezed his eye sockets shut.  A moment later, he felt the couch shift and something was placed on his lap.

“OKAY, OPEN YOUR EYES!” Papyrus was practically bouncing with excitement as Sans looked down at the box on his lap.

“Ow wow.  It’s a box.  You know, I really could have had my eyes  _ open  _ for that,” Sans said flatly.

“SHUT UP AND OPEN IT!” Papyrus demanded impatiently.

Sans sighed again, rolling his eyelights, but tore the dull brown paper off of the box and tossed it on the floor.  Just to annoy Papyrus, he took his time examining the box from every angle.

“Is that blood on the corner?” Sans asked suspiciously.

“YOU’LL UNDERSTAND IN A SECOND!” Papyrus urged.  Now apprehensive, Sans slid one finger under the box’s lid and eased it open.

He let out a surprised guffaw.  “Is this…” he trailed off as he pulled a severed, skeletal arm out of the box.  “Is this Gaster’s?”

Papyrus was grinning widely.  “DO YOU LOVE IT?”

Sans couldn’t help but laugh.  “Aw, Paps, you shouldn’t have.  Like... you seriously shouldn’t have.  We’re going to get in so much trouble.”

“IT’S WORTH IT!” Papyrus laughed.  “THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN I SHOWED UP AT HIS DOOR AND RIPPED HIS ARM OFF WAS PRICELESS!”

Sans's laughter intensified.  “Yeah, I can imagine.  Thanks, Paps.  This is the best present ever.”

“OF COURSE IT IS! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS THE BEST AT EVERYTHING, INCLUDING MACABRE CHRISTMAS GIFTS!”

Sans waved the arm around with glee.  “I have to ‘hand’ it to you, Paps.  You really are the best at everything.”

Papyrus’ smile dropped.  “YOU JUST RUINED CHRISTMAS.”

“Aww, come on!  I’m sure this will come in ‘handy!’”

“I REGRET GETTING YOU ANYTHING.”

Sans pointed at him with Gaster’s arm.  “You don’t mean that.  Dis _ arm _ ing Gaster was a present in itself, right?”

“SANS, SHUT UP BEFORE I  _ MAKE  _ YOU SHUT UP.”

Sans tapped the arm against his chin.  “I get the feeling that you’re upset, bro, but I can’t put my  _ finger  _ on why.”

“THAT’S IT!” Papyrus lunged at Sans, who held up Gaster’s arm defensively.

“Wait, bro, you still have your own presents!”

Papyrus froze, his attention completely diverted in an instant. “OH! RIGHT!”

Sans smirked as Papyrus dashed across the room, scooping up his gifts and tearing off the paper in one frantic move. Christmas was one of the only times that Papyrus dropped his harsh exterior and enjoyed himself wholeheartedly.

“Well?  What did Santa give you?” Sans prompted.

Papyrus examined the presents, a grin lighting up his face.  “IT’S A JUMBO CROSSWORD BOOK!  AND A COLOR CUBE!  BUT THIS ONE’S GIGANTIC!”

Sans grinned, Papyrus’s enthusiasm proving infectious.  “I found it at the dump a while ago, and I’ve been saving it until now.  It shouldn’t take someone as awesome as you very long to solve it, right?”

“OF COURSE!  THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL CONQUER THESE PUZZLES AND JAPES IN NO TIME!” Papyrus declared.  “THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!”

As if on cue, the door flew open.  Before the brothers could so much as flinch, Asgore stormed into the house, filling the room with his enraged aura.

“ **Captain Papyrus!”** he roared.  “ **What’s this I hear about you assaulting my Royal Scientist again?!”**

Papyrus scrambled to his feet.  “YOUR MAJESTY, I-”

**“I don’t want to hear your excuses!  Where is Gaster’s arm?!”** Asgore snarled.

Eager to avoid confrontation, Sans held up the arm passively.  “We’ve got it here.  Just a Christmas prank, sir.”

Asgore snatched it from his grasp, glaring at Sans reproachfully.  “Well, it’s not a very funny one.  Stay away from Gaster from now on, or face the consequences.”

With that threat hanging in the air, Asgore whirled and stormed back out of the house, slamming the door so loudly it rattled in its hinges.

Sans and Papyrus stared at each other for a moment, then Sans shrugged and settled back into the couch.  “Way to jinx it, Paps,” Sans broke the silence. 

“OH, SHUT UP.”

“Well, that was fun while it lasted,” Sans yawned.

“BUT NOW YOU DON’T HAVE ANYTHING FOR CHRISTMAS!” Papyrus protested.

“It’s okay, bro.  This was still the best Christmas ever.  Why don’t you get started on some of those puzzles? I'll make dinner for once.”

“OKAY.  BUT I’LL GET YOU SOMETHING BETTER NEXT YEAR.”

“Whatever you say, Boss.”

* * *

An hour later, Asgore sat in Gaster's living room with two disparately sized cups of tea. Gaster sat across from him with his newly-reattached arm in a sling. They sat together in silence, each lost in his own world of thoughts.

"Thank you for being lenient with them," Gaster finally said.

Asgore glanced at Gaster's injured arm reproachfully. "You can't make excuses for them forever."

"I know. It's just... I keep hoping something will change, somehow. We can't live like this forever. The Underground isn't so large that we can just avoid each other forever, pretending that the past didn't happen."

They both stared into their tea for another long moment.

"They're not likely to forgive you anytime soon," Asgore warned.

"I know that too. But I'm foolish enough to hope that someday, they will."

"You're not foolish," Asgore admonished gently. "Just... sentimental."

"That's one way of putting it. But you're the same way, aren't you?" Gaster smirked slightly.

Asgore chuckled. "I guess that makes us a couple of sentimental old fools."

Gaster raised his teacup in an imitation of a toast. "Merry Christmas, old friend."

"You as well, Gaster."

They sat in companionable silence for the rest of the night.

 

 


End file.
